Ugh- what to do... what to do!!!

So I'm not going to wake Jossalyn up... yet I just can't pull myself to do it. First off all she looks so peaceful sleeping and secondly I just don't want to have to face the consequences if I wake up a monster!

I am really hungry but don't know what to make for dinner .... grrr anyone?! Making something healthy sucks and its just me so that's even worse. I could always go for my staple of waffles or hot dogs and butter noodles!

Derek won't be back to almost 3 am probably and I still have to be awake for a few more hours because I have to get at least one more good pump in before I go to sleep. I set an alarm every night to try and wake me up to pump but I can never pull myself out of bed to actually do so but as we stand right now I only have 3 bottles for tomorrow night and I at least need 5 so... awake I stay!

I think I am falling more and more and more in love with my little one each time I feed her. At first like I have said before nursing was very difficult for me even though I from day 1 was very adamant about doing so. Not physically but emotionally. I felt very sheltered and very stuck (maybe that's the right word but it doesn't seem strong enough) by breastfeeding and actually had a breakdown and cried for a few days every night around week 4 of doing so. I was diagnosed with a slight condition of PPD and am in a study for Post Pardum Depression through the hospital but truthfully I feel wonderful now. I still have bummed out times but this is LIFE ALTERING who isn't going to be emotional?! Anyways back on track... I feel apart and weeped to Derek in the freezing cold out on the porch and felt so much better after I did so. I just couldn't handle it. But I made it through that and I am so relieved that I did. I adore sitting with her now. I'm starting to "melt" when I stare into her eyes and now she is getting better motor control over her arms/hands she "pets" me while she is eating. She just lays her hand on my chest and pets the bottom of my neck (where that dent is) its actually the most loving thing she can probably do at this point but it just seems to me that she is so comfortable with me and i image her thinking "ahhh mommy" when shes doing so.....

xoxox