This is what it is like when you stare directly into the sun.

“Time is funny thing; a decade can flash by in an uneventful second.  And then in just 2 years, monumental things can happen.  Things you couldn't imagine happening in a million years."  - Sex in the City 2
 
I sat down and turned on the TV tonight for the first time in what seems like forever.  When I hit the play button on the DVR this was the exact point in the movie where I had hit pause days ago.  As Carrie said these words it caught my full attention.  It was like she was speaking of exactly my life; minus the fact that my last decade has been all but uneventful.

The past two years have been, for lack of a better word, dramatic.

I don't know why it always seems like I can't get away from the "D" word but it seems to surround completely control my life.  I loath it.  I can't stand the feeling of it and what comes of it.  D-R-A-M-A.  I have an overabundance of it in my life and I wish that it would just kindly walk out the door and stay away.

Monumental things have happened in two years:

• I had Jossalyn (well 2 1/2 years ago if you ask her)
• I had horrid PPD 
• I found out Derek was having an affair
• I fall into a very strange emotional place
• Derek & I tried to work things out after his grandmother passes
• Things fall back apart with us
• I lose touch with my two best-friends
• I find out Derek is sick... well maybe
• Derek & I tried to work things out again around the time his grandfather passes
• I quit my full-time job and go back to school
• Things fall back apart with us
• Derek moves to Erie
• I find out that She (That's how I'll describe Derek's "girlfriend" so to not invade her privacy) is also living in Erie and working at the same place as he is
• Derek & I try yet again
• Derek goes to Vegas in December 2010 (on a trip I paid for) and I find out that She is there as well.  I go with my "sister/best-friend" Rayanne (introductions later) to the airport to see if they come out of the terminal into baggage claim together.  VERY LONG, detailed story cut short - I am sure I am on YouTube somewhere because I made a huge scene and left him in the middle of the airport and told him She could take him home because I was done
• Derek convinces everyone (including myself to an extent) that She just so happened to be on the same plane because she caught a connecting flight back into Pittsburgh from L.A. ....   hmmm, riiiiiiiiiight!  (Yes, that is loaded with as much sarcasm as I can possibly denote to a single word)   Derek shows a plane ticket to his Aunt (never to me) that shows that She boarded in L.A.  
• Yet again, Derek & I try to work things out
• Christmas comes & goes and Derek goes back to Erie
• I go to Erie the weekend before Valentine's Day and Derek and I have our last falling out.  I will detail that later because it deserves its own post. (This is the last time (as of today) that Derek had seen Jossalyn)
• I come back home & within the 3 hour drive home I realize I am DONE
• I file for Divorce
• I file for full legal & physical custody of Jossalyn (because of Derek's reaction)
• Justin & I reconnect
• Justin & I say "Good-Bye"

Seriously, there is so much more but that is just the basics.  There are still health issues with me, family matters, financial issues and so so so much more.  But seriously wow!

My favorite professor, Dr. Natali, stood up infront of us on our first day of this semester and said,
"I hate drama, please don't bring it to me, I try to avoid it at all cost"
I couldn't help but to chuckle to myself and think, "HA - I AM Drama"

Sad.... but oh so true!

I want to go back to this place, this time.... Happy, Drama-Free (but oh so NOT). 

If only time flew like a dove.... Lets make it last forever.

xoxox

-ME